I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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