sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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