you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
