You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
