I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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