I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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