Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize