Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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