i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Four minutes until I can fart!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
