I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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