no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
