somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
