RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
