the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
