I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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