I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize