Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
