***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
