I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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