the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
