i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
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