I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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