If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
