Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
