Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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