Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
