We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
