Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
