I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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