You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I party with great urgency now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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