Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Terrible idea I love it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
