That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
