dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
