you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
