im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
