the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
