Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
