i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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