He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
