the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
