are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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