i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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