billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
