i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
