1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We got so high we made milksteak
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
