and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
