So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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