I hate all girls vehemently.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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