if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
