I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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