My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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