Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize