ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This girl is more easily done than said...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
