so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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