better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
