maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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