I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
