I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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