While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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