this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We left the knife in your bed.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
