I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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