A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
