I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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