no one should ever give us hovercrafts
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
