my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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