Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
